St Beuno's Ignatian Spirituality Centre

North Wales

It had seemed a good idea in November! Mike was far more enthusiastic, not having my trivial fascination with “what will the bride be wearing”- type questions and also, I am sure, looking forward to a time of perfect peace when I would not be allowed to talk to him at all.

As soon as we arrived all my doubts evaporated and we were both overwhelmed by the beauty and peace of it all. St Beuno’s is situated in beautiful countryside and that combined with the serenity and warm welcome of the people in charge, meant we immediately relaxed into a feeling of calm and happiness. St Beuno’s is a Jesuit centre of Ignatian Spirituality specialising in individually guided retreats, where incidentally Gerard Manley Hopkins lived for many years writing his best poetry. Our rooms had beautiful views of the Welsh mountains, they were warm and comfortable, and were a far cry from the Spartan image I had formed influenced by the word “Jesuit”. A vase of lovely simple flowers stood in each room to welcome us.

After a welcoming cup of tea we were all shown round the house, which was reassuring as St. Beuno’s is big enough to get lost in. The building is based on an Oxford College, surrounded by huge grounds, with a lovely garden in the middle of the Quad and a tower complete with arrow-slits, originally designed to aim at Protestants I wondered?

Every morning we started off with a ¾ hour session with our Spiritual Guide, the only time we were allowed to talk. Our Guides were excellent and it gave us the chance to talk about anything we chose to, the space to reflect on our lives and deepen our faith. Our Spiritual Guides helped us to reach a level where our head and our heart meet, and where the Spirit is at work. When our heads, heart and Spirit are all in harmony we experience a feeling of living out of our truth, everything we do happens effortlessly and naturally. So often the opposite happens: life is just a long list of duties and demands; everything feels a strain and leaves us exhausted.

We were given short bible passages to dwell on and pray with for the rest of the day, while walking in the beautiful hills, sitting or lying in the lovely grounds, or if we preferred anywhere in St Beuno’s many peaceful common rooms or chapels. We both found that when we returned to our piece of scripture we experienced God speaking to us more deeply through it.

There was a vast library and a bookshop both with an impressive collection of Christian books and because Mike & I both love reading we asked our Guides for recommendations and they seemed to know exactly the books that would speak to us, quite a talent as books are so very personal. But for those who don’t like reading there were equally helpful alternatives such as an art room for painting or sculpture, all this to help our prayers.

It was gently suggested not to read too much while we were there although no one would mind if you did, - one of the lovely things was the sense of complete freedom we felt there - rather we were encouraged to pray and get in touch with our inner spiritual centre and listen to the still quiet voice of God. The silence was there to avoid any distractions and it was very helpful. Having a big garden where I work in everyday I am used to being in silence for many hours at a time, but for Mike who is used to being in a stressful job with a lot of noise, pressure and very little silence this was a complete culture shock, as I expect it is for most people.

Because of the peaceful and special feel of the place the silence rule felt totally natural. Everyone slipped into it effortlessly and welcomed it. I know this because although of course no one told me, we all smiled at each other and there was a strong sense of community where we felt close to each other through our shared experience of silent prayer and daily Eucharist.

I had expected that we would have been bursting with things we wanted to say, but we didn’t. We were sorry it ended and would have been very happy to stay on for a full ten days of silence. The silence becomes your friend; it is not an end in itself but a door opening into our relationship with God. We just relaxed into it and met Jesus, simply, but so amazingly.

It has left us with a feeling of utter joy and thankfulness. Our overwhelming thoughts are, we want to hold on to this, never to lose it again, so we shall make it a priority to start each day with this silence. Because it is all so difficult to put these experiences into words, I’d like to end with a poem by Edwina Gateley that puts it far better than I can.

Be silent. Be still.
Alone: empty before your God.
Say nothing. Ask nothing.
Be silent. Be still.
Let your God look upon you.
That is all.
He knows. He understands.
He loves you with an enormous love.
He only wants to look upon you.
With his love.
Quiet. Still be.
Let your God-love you.